So here we are, a full week from the Indiana State Fair tragedy. It has been a rough week to say the least. It's hard at times for me to wrap my mind around what we saw, what we experienced that night.
When we got home last Saturday we watched the news for hours and then in the days that followed, watched the reports and updates closely. I know I felt a huge amount of anger (and still do!) when people would post that 'grown adults with common sense shouldn't need to be told when to evacuate.' I think at times people look to find fault with those attending so that they can reassure themselves that had it been them there, they would have avoided the tragedy. I don't know how many times I can say this or how to explain it....but until that wall of dust and wind rolled in the storm didn't look that bad. We live in Indiana. How often do the skies look horrible and nothing happens? Of the storm rolls thru and out before you can really even shut your windows? It all happened so fast.
I have spent a fair amount of time this week in tears. Either by a question from someone, a post on FB about the tragedy, the two additional deaths reported, and sometimes for just no reason I find myself with tears pouring down my cheeks. I figure this is part of the healing process.
Last Thursday we went back to the fair with the kids. We didn't want our last memory or view of the fair to be running out to the parking lot in the rain past the fallen stage light with emergency lights, the screams echoing in our thoughts. So we packed up the kids and had dinner at the fair. It was hard. I cried walking past the stage to get into the fair. Ryan offered that we park somewhere different and go in a different way but I'm of the theory - no time like the present. And I shed some tears when we passed the memorial. But then it was on to fair fun. And after doing a couple of fair activities and gorging ourselves on milkshakes, elephant ears, hot dogs, corn dogs, lemonade, deep fried Reeces Peanut Butter Cups, mozzarella sticks, and MY fair favorite - deep friend butter (don't judge), it was time to head home. The kids were sweaty, grumpy, and had tummy aches. And as we left the fair, a little girl (not one of mine!) puked at my feet. THIS is how a visit to the Indiana State Fair should end.
The thing is, life goes on. And it hurts sometimes and I imagine this week will still bring tears. My heart hurts in a way that's hard to describe for those families who lost loved ones, for those who can not get the image out of their head, for those that will struggle for months to come. I think we are doing 'okay' in our healing process. I guess time will tell.
I'm looking forward to this next week. SCHOOL STARTS!!!! Oh what a wonderful way to refocus our thoughts and energy on something besides the heartache and sadness of last week. I hope to post more tomorrow about the kids and I getting ready for the new school year!
If you were there last week, if you watched it unfold on tv, if you find yourself still prone to tears....know you are NOT alone. It's okay. Reach out and hold on. We're Hoosiers, we're Sugarland fans, and we are survivors. Life goes on and that's okay.
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